Saturday, November 12, 2011


 Today I walk a lonely road with dreams , wishes and desire ,

every thing's so plain , it's simple ,

it's destined to be straight .
Point's of reflection -when I look back ,
a stark realisation strikes me .
People come and people leave,
with hope to live it again,
do feelings alter , or people change ,
or is it just a part of a chain .
Broken promises and countless memories,
not better than an anchor,
which coaxes the vessel to wait- until hope disappears,
the myths say "everything is give and take" ,
always was and will be ,
but my utopia bubble was way too strong - to let in such thinking .
I know I have to be there ,
with an open mind and an ever accepting soul ,
but all they do is walk past by and hardly seem to care ,
Lonely nights , teary eyed , I cross my journey safe ,
bumps and smooths ,
twists and turns mark the nature of it ,
with no hand to help , without support , I struggle to stand up again
when the world walked out , I was there,
in pursuit to infinitely care ,
now , I am here , now I am alone ,
with silent laughter everywhere,
My eyes talk , they say alot , but there seemed no listener anywhere,
time isn't given , it rather is made ,
only if this mattered ,
it would've struck your mighty brain .

So go ahead , with arms wide open ,
give love and breathe it ,
you never know it might just be the only reason one relieves oneself from it ,
hug and touch , hold and comfort cause that is how it works ,
life is filled with ups and downs ,
one can go through highs and lows ,
but what matters is the bond that exists ,
Since there isn't anything special commonplace .

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Just a Fad ..

hello :)
I can't believe that I am finally writing and blogging after 2 and a half whole months ,even though I crossed various points wherein I felt this consistent craving of spilling out whatever I'd been collecting within the clear vicinity of my evolving mind .Well I guess that is what grade 12 ,aspirations and yes off course a transition phase which is inevitable can do to you . :P
But none the less I guess the wait was worth it . Many a times, I tried sorting out my thoughts  to produce them with the help of mere words and alphabets, but then found my self unable to do so . Now after so many days , I am here with ample realisations and observations that would suffice for another few writings .
It's exactly been a year since I attended my first Mock Mun before I took off to China for an International one . I still remember how fascinated I'd always been with this form of discussion and  debate and considered diplomacy to be an art which I always wished to master. Communication skills , considerable research and confidence is what I thought mattered in this simulated race of solving world problems . I feel embarrassed when I recall how blank I was on the first day of the Mock ,that during the first UN-moderated caucus  ,I asked a friend of mine to tell me on what basis I was suppose to support 'The GROUPS' being formed then . When he answered that I was to be with my 'ALLIES' and look into my country's 'foreign policy' , I simply wanted to disappear as I had no clue about any of the above .
But whatever it was ,the entire experience taught me alot , and I discovered all healthy and positive points about my personality . This encouraged me to take part in a few other Mun's ,holding all together different countries and stances . When I seemed to recognise my addiction and passion for this 'ART' , I started observing it more closely to know whether I really wanted to do it or not .
How I saw Muning then and the way I view it now , the opinions are poles apart .
I always thought it made you know yourself and yes it did , you always could assess your  capabilities and to my surprise your Wit  and shrewdness .
Judging the book by it’s cover is one mistake that I made , and as the time passed by I realised the truth behind this ever so emerging fad .
MUN'ning to me is nothing else than a forum to flaunt your style and looks , meet new people and for some non serious souls , check out the opposite gender representatives .
It’s a pool that can be highlighted with a cunning streak and  politics .  Your ability to pull some one down and in this case someone with a mediocre research JUST TO GET AN AWARD ,like seriously AN AWARD , is what counts .
Honestly it’s losing it’s class , . Wherever you turn your attention towards ,you have that very organisation conducting an Mun , it’ rather like a ‘herd walk’ ,where people are only concerned with organising one to create a hype in the general arena .
Cut the awards , cut the formality and then see how many dedicated individuals or I may say ‘delegates’ are interested to discuss about the current situation in Libya or the issue of membership expansion in U.N.E.P .
It’s ruthless and smart .
It’s all Give and Take ,you give me a position now , you get a position like you get an interest from the bank after a few months . Strangely , if you are blessed with symmetrical features capable of attracting the our counterparts then you don’t even require a good research or any knowledge of you country’s role in the situation being discussed ,just wear formals and a touch up on your face and be an author of the resolution before the table .
I didn’t want to be blunt but I guess the spirit of honesty ,is just persuading me to share more and more of what I think .
I realised all of this a couple of weeks back , but settling of the fact took much longer .
It’s more or less like , an addiction : like smoking is to a few people , the active smoker knows that it’s bad but is still unable to take a stand and formulate a decision . Not that I say that Munning is something frivolous or Unhealthy ,but I just know that it is definitely not my cup of tea .
 To be more specific ,if this is what you enjoy doing then go for it , but at the end reflect back and see for yourself how much you are gaining from it and not to forget to analyse it’s genuinity.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Who cares ?

She stared ,
she looked around,
she had nowhere to go,
nothing to hide,
It was white,
the absence of colours,
made the blankness get on to her,
her thoughts seemed suspended.
It wasn't strange,
neither was it new,
It was routine now,
she sensed her eyes water,
saw the intensity pile up.
Her body grew numb,
refused her mind to work,
her will broke ,
and courage shook,
she was shattered , thrown helpless,
she was done with all the criticism,
she gave up the spirit,
she lost control,
These daily tales were turning her against ,her inner self ,
they were making her despise her soul ,
she was losing out on stability,
she knew she was wasting time : Trying ,
The world thought she was humane,
They had always known the subtle her,
an identity with a conscious,
a part of the crowd ,yet stood out ,
but the ones who mattered discarded it ,
they didn't know how concerned she got even when someone got mocked,
she knew they weren't aware.
Ignorance is bliss ,
but Ignorance is effortless,
she often wondered why she looked down upon herself,
Low Self Esteem is what everybody calls it ,
was she to be blamed ??
was the nature responsible ?
or was there  a lapse in the nurture ?
Who cares ?
Until they had her as the perfect scapegoat ,
she didn't ask for much and neither did she wish for ,
all she desired was acceptance ,
a recognition of her being,
attachment to her smile ,
and happiness *sigh* ,

Now ,
she feels lonely,
she cries , she digests ,
but still never speaks ,
she becomes negative,
mood swings are her closest friends,
she becomes unsure and loses hope ,
but sadly at the end endures it ,
one against infinity has never worked,
neither did it in her case.
Who is she ?
she herself has lost touch with herself ,
Statements and judgements have always pulled her down,
Or I may say who cares ?
She is just a normal girl they think ,
 people who she loves,
Maybe a puppet in their hands,
there is no question of flight,
she struggles to open her wings,
but the walls that surround her,
are always successful in cutting them off ,
she feels suffocated, she feels choked ,
she goes through the pain ,without uttering a word ,
she is left bruised ,she is left hurt ,
she never complains and infact she cares ,
she empathises in a hope to bring out a smile on the face that needs it ,
she knows that she is not the best , but neither is she the worst ,
she just another name - But who cares ??
And At the end she stands alone .

Sunday, May 1, 2011

As long as they loved ....

'I want to flee' ,said he
alone amongst the crowd,
shady and dark,
captured by responsibility,
in search of stability .

'I am here',smiled she
promised to stand by,
until he was freed ,
yet doubtful ,whether they would succeed,
In search of the best one had ever seen.

The risk worked and they stood there,
she let him fly and saw some dreams burn,
she didn't retort and felt the time run,
it was angelic ,it was perfect ,
she realised she wasted  time being sceptic.

Until one day they discovered,
it wasn't much that could be done,
they knew she was weak and that made him too low,
Advices to smile and false hopes,
But they knew it was easier to say,
than one could actually do.

'But you were all that I had' ,cried he,
'Maybe angels are only sent to help thee' ,
he had to pay back,he had to be there,
because she helped him release his innate fear.

'One month she has' ,claimed the doctors,
he prayed hard so as the situation could be altered,
she lived her days and wished to rewind,
'why did this happen to us' ??

So many questions he had in mind,
no answers but questions.
They knew now moments didn't matter memories did,
It was sure,she would go,
And with this he loved her even more.

He decided to sing,he made her laugh,
he lied and cried,for all days to come,
they hugged ,breaking down with each other,
was what she once dreamt off.

She feared death ,he feared losing her,
but they tried to cover it up to ,each other,
sighs and tears all over them ,
life could be equated with a dungeon.

The ultimate day came and she passed,
he wondered why his love couldn't last,
someone who taught him how to live,
he loved her and that was the end of it.

'I'll miss you !' was what he said,
she looked peaceful and that's what he wanted ,
but he knew she was there with him,
even if the future seemed dim.

He looked at her picture and smiled,
'I have no one to share with'
'Talk to me' but nobody could hear him

A girl who came and went,
a girl who loved him fairly well ,
a girl who made him complete,
she still remained his love even when he turned sixty.

The protagonist stayed single for his entire life after the gloomy death of his love ,which totally left him devasted. But nothing changed between  them and their bond which was eternal ,except that now he travelled the world which he always wanted to do with her, alone .
But with two tickets .............................. :')

{So that he could carry her soul along...........}
I have never tried my hand in poetry ,this is my first attempt .....

Random ...

I haven't blogged since ages and today I am all ready to pen down my thoughts in the form of words and try and express whatever I've been observing from the past  one month .

 Strangely ,I felt an over whelming urge to write many a times during this entire period but I just did not give into that demand ,maybe because of time constraints introduced to me by class 12 or some unknown reasons.Okay ,so hey!! as I have lost all contact with blogging (atleast I feel so) , I am facing a problem in starting my topic :PAll this while I have tried to work on my OVER-EXCESSIVE-THINKING-SYNDROME and now have taken a back seat in life .

Life is one lesson which carries on till one's last breath and is filled with moments which can increase ur mental age to twenty years ahead of your chronological one . It's one open forum where you consistently keep coming across a whole new set of people ,who do the job of preparing you for the bigger sharks of the world .
Trust me ,everything or anything that happnes is for the good and when I say this I realise it's easier said than done .After using my blanket as a shield for all these years which was supposed to serve the puropse of protecting me from an imaginary alien invasion I decided to use it for it's actual job and get over with stuff that was only restricted to my own world . 
Meeting new people always teaches one that none of us are the same ,which is a UNIVERSAL fact as well, but as the hour and the minute hand of the clock diligently keeps performing it's duty ,one keeps getting aware about the fact that one's behaviour has to keep altering. keeping in mind the person one is interacting with .People come in and exit ,without one even getting notified and that's how life is and people on the whole are .At the end ,it's all about oneself . And that's what I've seen around right there in the world .
 We all have this bizarre problem of complicating our lives and getting caught up in the viscious cycle of when ,why and what .Sometimes all that a situation demands is to "let it go" and that's how it should be like .
Nobody knows what all one has gone through and trust me no one is intersted to sneak out from their messed up lives to help one out , I am not making a delibrate effort to sound pessimistic but I am just seeing the world from a very different perspective . It's mechanisms fascinate me ,like how people make promises just to break them and how one gets something when it's least desired .

But one thing I know for sure, that one has to fall in love with oneself before anyone else .Umm not exactly a narcissist but something else of a balanced degree ...
 Also ,I  have been indulging myself into fruitful discussions about the existence of GOD with almost everyone I have been speaking to (Yeah so this happened a countless times) and still am left with doubts in my mind .. I have had my share of questions and answers and have been a keen listener to everyone's view point as well .But even after sooo many incidences and reasons put forward by people of all ages and professions , I still haven't been able to conclude and now have rather given up on this topic . Yes ,I do believe in God and his theory of alotting marks to each and everyone of us considering our "KARMA" .

Along with all of this I have been noticing that how this world only works on manipulation and exaggertaion .One has to master in this skill to push the other one and make way for oneself .Sad to see ,how the devil laughs and the angel carries that sympathetic expression of being taken for granted . And here I am referring to Lucifer and the angels in actual sense .

Friday, March 18, 2011

Omegle :)

 I could never understand those constant pleas to go to bed on time made by my concerned kins until I had these exams when I hardly got to rest and just managed 4 and a half hours of sleep in two days . Taking forty winks at 3:30 am ,waking up at 6:00 am and then taking an exam at 8:30 am .. was terrible to an extent that my body finally decided to give up and left me with bloodshot eyes ,and a spinning head with a sick feeling .
I know to many of you my experience might not be at par with your story as you may not have slept at all in two days and might hold a record of staying awake for 4-5 days ,but keeping in mind the sensitivity of my metabolic system  ,which is inefficient to an extent that I can easily get a  a bad throat incase I keep chewing a chewing gum after it lost it's taste ,I now realise what feeling good means. ...

I wouldn't want to lie and say that I decided to drown in the vast ocean of my textual books related our society and the constitution plus on our learning and thinking patterns . Along with my study I invested a huge amount of time in something called omegle .

Omegle is a site where you get to chat with random people of different countries and having varied intersts .
NO I did not use the VIDEO version of it ,due to two simple reasons :
1. I find myself too gentle to be seeing people without clothes doing all sort of weird stuff in front of unknown people . GROSS.
2. My computer does not have a web cam .

So I decided to stick to the textual edition of it . It's not necessary that you get just the right people there no matter how sweet you are ,a friend of mine can tell you more about his experience with jagmos there ---- Uday Vir Garg please enlighten all my readers. *nasty wink*
But somehow I have been lucky to come across extremely thoughtful ,helpful and interesting people.

I met a 17 year old teenager ,living in L.A and having a Russian- Armenian background who was also studying psychology and with whom I enjoyed a talk about humans and various personality problems . We concluded that all of us were selfish and would never go out of our way to help someone suffering.
He simply hated being a human at times ,and I totally second his view point. At the end we decided to make a difference in this world with our own little efforts and came to a conclusion that " we can't possibly take charge of everybody's actions because by doing this we will be infringing upon their right of judgement ,but all we can do is Inspire and Motivate "
We clicked to an extent that we make a collective effort to solve our internal crisis and also he now is my Russian-Armenian language teacher . I would be teaching me the easier one of the two ...Privet , Kak tee  :)

Also ,I met a 20 year old boy of Italian-Irish origin who started the conversation in a very very imaginative way , which suited my skills to the fullest so I decided to reply.

He questioned "what would you do if you are in a wrecked ship and your captain is missing and you have people behind and I was like I would run away and then he said after this goblins start following you and they are about to kill you and I said I will charm them. To make it more difficult for me he totally discarded my effort and said charming dosen't work on them what next .all could think was to jump off in water and thought the situation was finished but he came up with the last lap and told that u have a treasure but an pedo bear starts following you and I say that I'll pick up the treasure and make the pedo bear meet a pretty pedo bear and tell him that she is his soulmate" . Seeing the innovation and collaboration of our ideas that gave birth to an amazing short story he thought to use it for his writing class .
He lives in America and has seen Indian movies like : Robot ,Dostana  ,Love story 2050 and ghajini which he has viewed thrice.
Pretty shocking . Also we discussed birthday games as I planned to have them on my birthday. I am not having games now :P

Then I met an Italian 20 yr old who taught me "CIAO" and taught me that "If you are good at something never sell it for free" .

Also I met a 20 year old who absolutely loved everything green like money and marijuana ,and tried his best to convince me that weed wasn't harmful for health . He had never heard the word "Bimbette" and found it very amusing, he decided to use it to blondes around .
This is for all those who care for me : Do not worry I wasn't taken away by his words . I will still say NO to drugs !

Then I came across another 20 year old (I guess I have something with the number 20) .He was extremely depressed as his girl decided to leave him after going out for 4 years .He always talked to her about football as he had been associated with it since childhood,and I told him how "his passion" was making her feel unwanted. We concluded that we can't possibly keep talking about breathing even if we have been inhaling oxygen since we are formed .
I hope and pray everything in his life turns out the way he wants to .

The next would be an australian boy who thought I totally had a child's mind as I believed in feelings and emotions who thought such things never existed.

The last would be two very thoughtful people surprisingly I don't know their name ,age or sex , such information dosen't matter anyway till as the time we all are a part of the Humanity. 

 I was just messing around and asking weird questions along with telling them that I was a little turtle from Pluto and how it was so cold in here , and that did humans believe in emotions like anger ,ambition ,friendship and love ,do they think beyond their aims,what is fair and what is would be unfair, how many people could they like at a time ?
To whicj they gave interesting answers but two answers that left me thinking were the amswers to the last question :
The first person said : "I can like 200 people at a time ,it dosen't matter how many you like all that matters is that wheter you are happy or not .And for me being with someone dosen't constitute a reson behind happiness".
The second person thoughtfully stated that "It all depends on the space allotted in your heart for each person"

I also came across people who were looking for people who could serve their desperation but to that my answer simply was "Pressing the disconnect button"

I go on omegle to meet new people ,to know about their religions,cultures, lives and always try and help them whenever I can .
You should try it too .
As you never know you might come across people who become a part and parcel of your life .
Meet people and learn from them ,communication and interaction will always help in expanding your horizon.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Kite flying

 Life is a PERFECT balance of tears and smiles,it is designed in a way that after a dark stormy night we get to experience a warm sunny day . We all are entitled to our share of suffering and are blessed with happiness once we manage to pull out ourselves from the dungeon of sadness with the help of hope,care and love .
We all wish to be what we have always dreamt off and it's the passion in one that helps him achieve his goal and hit bullseye.
We all want to reach the zenith and touch great heights , and in this drive for perfection we seldom tend to forget the importance of maintaining our level of excellence once the above mentioned things are fulfilled.
As it is said that one should try and learn something about everything everyday so keeping that in mind and trying to implement the thought  I picked up my rhombus shaped black and pink coloured kite and proceeded towards the ground. An activity extremely famous in Afghanistan and was being carried on in India since the ancient times : KITE FLYING, was what I was going to get conditioned to, that day .Needless to say learning the very skill of it was an entirely new experience for me ,it stimulated deep beliefs and gave voice and clearence to my unsaid observations.
I had a drive to learn and I tried hard enough to succeed. As soon as my kite was flying against the partially blowing wind and I was trying to figure out the time span after which the kite had to be pulled to maintain it's stability in the air ,the beauty and the strange calmness of the weather trickled a series of notions in my mind which had started finding a deeper meaning to what I was doing. I saw ,felt good and a sense of satisfaction took over me as I was amazed to realise that everything that we do has something to teach us in our life and it's occurence always has a reason behind it .
I imagined humans as a kites of different colours ,shapes and sizes ,(it can be fun to acquire the phase of ANIMATISM at times) who are made in a way that a lumpsome of attention is paid to details and interacacies during the time they are being produced .A kite i.e is a human ought to be gentle yet strong enough to face the wind and blow of adversity.
The moment my kite kissed the sky, a streak of excitement was experienced by me and I was pushed into the last stage of my deep thinking mode which forced me to analyse and come up with something worth remembering in life.I looked up ,smiled and thought  that just the way a kite is supposed to be pulled by us for it to enjoy a static position in the air we humans who are compared to kites need constant criticism even after we are have attained the pinnacle of what we had desired so that we can constantly keep checking ourselves and simultaenously improve.
Criticism is something extremely essential in life. Afterall they say one can only know himself when one is aware about the faults and qualities he lacks and criticsm or I may say constructive criticism always helps you accept yourself and evolve as a positive human being.
At the end I would just say that it's all about what you think ,as your thoughts come out in the form of words and enter this universe ,they come back to you as experiences  .

Friday, February 25, 2011

Metamorphosis .

We all enter and exit various ponds and pools throughout our lives . It might just be like a bird migrating from her homeland to a far away foreign estate as soon as the suitable season was over and all the benefits that she was availing till then came to a halt.
The inevitable necessity of life is CHANGE. It's something that is bound to take place irrespective of what our fate has planned for us ,and it rather is the very word that rules our stars.It is humanly impossible if we don't change.
We as humans don't adapt to change easily ,we simply refuse to adjust as we all have a habit of digging into reasons concerning the WHAT & WHY of various situations.
We fail to see ourselves transforming ,we can't see our fellow mates maturing ,it irks us to see our surroundings and groups growing and we prefer stagnating ourselves and the running time,once the realisation of all of this takes place. We wish to put everything to a standstill the moment we realise that things wouldn't be the way they have always been and it's then when one wishes to discard the very factor which is responsible for the interesting nature of a person i.e : CHANGE from their life story. We humans are a bunch of emotions and which emotion acts when is something totally unpredictable .How often do we get to hear that we have changed and are not the same as we previously were ??
Believe you me as far as I've observed it's not that one changes it's the external factors and pressures that change , and one just learns to live with them. And this adjustment in the outlook of a preson causes a change in his known self .
We all need personal space as we all have opinions and posses view points which could be good ,bad,wrong or right and to figure out what we truly want, we have to enter our shell and provide ourselves a room for introspection. We have to connect to our conscience to accept the transformation within us . Unexpected people would complain about you going silent or living in your own world ,some would even brand you as a selfish pig ,but let that happen because when you would be ready to turn into a beautiful butterfly from a mere larva you would know the amount of GENUINE and TRUE friends you made during the entire course of time spent with them .The filtered out friends from the mesh of circumstances during the entire period of your metamorphosis would be the ones who would stay by your side your entire life.It's all about growing with people we love and care for,coming down or going up to their level to understand and support them.
Life brings us to a juncture from where we all have to choose from what we have always dreamt off or what others want to see us as?? And it's at points like these where the solitude and understanding of oneself helps .
At the end we all are broke in this world as I say when we die we are not even entitled to carry our own body along with us to enjoy heaven or burn in the fires of hell .